maff’s dead
Delphine Lecompte

i wonder what liam’s doing right the now,i think the odds of ever bumping into him on the streets of this drab flemish town are rather small,i don’t think liam gets arsefucked by lecherous night nurses and seventy year old wine merchants,i don’t think liam flashes his tits at german tourists,i wanna be liam gallagher,i don’t wanna be morrissey anymore,it’s no fun,and i can't be bothered to read oscar wilde,and i’m an ugly half-wit,and i’ve got mousy hair,and it’s all too sad and too close to the bone,so today i’m liam gallagher,i don’t feel dejected,i don’t feel tired,i don’t feel insecure shy or self-conscious,i’m a star,not just any star,the mancunian sex god,no less.

maff used to be a sweet considerate solicitous junkie before he turned into a harsh frog-torturing cunt,we were fairly innocent creatures back then,we mugged old ladies and occasionally we set a few cars on fire and admittedly we threw quite a few bricks through quite a few shop windows,but we watched the smurfs on telly and then we played with the frogs,and if that isn’t enough proof of our innocence,then i don’t know what is,oh and can i just add that we never sucked each other’s genitals that first year of our wild romance,i did however suck other cocks but i only did it to be able to buy maff presents,and if i didn’t do it for the money then i’m pretty sure it was rape or incest.

every girl should have a fucked-up indie boy with a sleazy father,maff’s father was gorgeous,maff will never grow up to be like him,maff will never have such a gigantic boner,oh why do i always fall in love with anorexic pervs with cripple cocks?oh why does there have to be a man attached to the mighty cock?and why does the man attached to the cock have to be short-tempered and fickle?the maff attached to the cock was truly a sad affair,a miserable bundle of glass splinters,scars,boredom,booze,fads,addictions,despair,nu-metal and silly theories about christianity and what not,truly an annoying pedantic cunt,and so fucking unforgiving...

yes,i walked on broken glass bottles,barefooted;and i jumped off the cliffs,and i swallowed keys,and i carved his name on my left arm,cos i thought these were the things to do to show him i cared,but it only scared him away,oh i even slashed my cunt and i used the blood to paint him a self-portrait,it does seem tacky now,and a little too much,but i wanted to die back then,for him,with him;i still want to die,for him,after him.

the moody cunt slit his wrists,he left a corny suicide note,it made me laugh;it was also full of spelling faults,which quite frankly irked me,his last ever words...cripple;i’m glad he didn’t take me with him,oh sure i was mad at first cos he’d promised to slit my wrists as well and i desperately wanted to be dead back then,but after i read the suicide note,i said to myself:“Delphine,do you really want to be executed by a dyslexic cunt with a cripple cock?i think you deserve better...i think you deserve to be executed by liam gallagher!oh stop it,you morbid cunt,” that’s what i said to myself and then i got drunk for six weeks on end,i couldn’t attend the funeral,cos i was in a coma,and when i woke up i was in the loony bin,shackled and sedated,my sexual appetite appeased by sleazy night nurses and alcoholic ex-boxers.

the loony bin was decent enough fun in the beginning,though i wasn’t too fond of the isolation cell,it was so poorly furnished,and basically i’m not a big fan of being tied to hospital beds by sleazy nurses with vindictive syringes;but yeah i had the time of my life with them alcoholic reprobates and did we scoff at the demented ones and the psychotic junkies?did we fuck!the traumatised cunts i ignored,incest?zzzzzzzz rape?yeah,yeah,enough rape victims already...domestical violence?pffffff,prostitution?the only thing you’re traumatised about is being too old to sell your floppy tits and barren cunt,old useless whore!!

i’m digressing....this was supposed to be a MEMORIAL FOR MAFF,i fucked up again,by talking about myself,again,ok here’s a little epitaph for the moody cunt:

maff you were junkie scum
and i never heard you cum


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