artwork for Scott Garson's writing

Dejambonate
Scott Garson (@Wigleaf)

Derived from tweets posted in the first six months of 2012.
Scgarz @Wigleaf 23h
Recorded voices of human beings, singing brightly about pest control, or carpets. Why take it so personally? Why suffer? #iamnotright

Scgarz @Wigleaf 23h
Smiled at baby in checkout line since baby was smiling at me. Saw mother freeze. Saw the helplessness. I was something she couldn’t prevent.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 22h
RT @defconprime America, what the fuck do you even want?

Scgarz @Wigleaf 22h
A-9 on the Wigleaf Jukebox: “Freeway,” Kurt Vile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXpvJVEJxDU (“Let go of my head.”)

Scgarz @Wigleaf 16h
1 of last night’s dreams: carrying a folder around, called REAL CRAP no. 2. In the dream my head was just killing me. Or maybe in real life.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 14h
RT @penguinrules I woke up in yogurt.

Levin Garson @penguinrules 14h
@Wigleaf Retweeting is copying!

Scgarz @Wigleaf 14h
@penguinrules Yes. Sorry.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 13h
Scientists came to my house. These scientists were puzzled by what they found.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 13h
I want to talk like a bot whose central task it is to talk very much like a human.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 13h
Ophelia texts Hamlet: Know what? Yr a head case. A nut job, 4 real. My own fault: attraction 2 saturnine types. Whatevs. Im thru w/ u. Out.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 10h
“The final chapters were written in the manner of the first, but minus the wonder.” #reviewthatwouldworkformanynovels

Scgarz @Wigleaf 10h
Kenneth Goldsmith on the 2011 Booker Prize Shortlist: 5 of 6 “hinge on the dramatic turn of a murder.” (..ttbook.org/book/transcript)

Scgarz @Wigleaf 10h
Goldsmith on the 2011 Booker Prize Shortlist: 4 of 6 “reveal secrets of the past that come unexpectedly to light.” (..ttbook.org/book/transcript)

Scgarz @Wigleaf 9h
RT @CatherineLazer Escape goat.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 9h
“Everybody’s hanging out on the internet today.” -- @RemovingMts

Scgarz @Wigleaf 9h
Don’t people know we might read their blurbs again, after we read the novel? Aren’t they embarrassed?

Scgarz @Wigleaf 9h
“The stuff is here. The stuff is very much here, and it’s mellow...” --John O’Hara blurbing THE GREAT GATSBY in 1951.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 9h
I want to publish a book called SINKING SHIP. I want to invite everybody to come on out to my SINKING SHIP launch.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 7h
RT @egabbert Something’s wrong with the Internet, I’m not being validated.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 7h
RT @penguinrules simon le bon looks like draco malfoy.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 7h
@penguinrules he does sort of, yes.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 6h
When people write “nape of the neck,” I always wonder what other napes there might be. Nape of the lamp? Nape of the schoolyard?

Scgarz @Wigleaf 6h
NPR’s Marketplace using “Debaser” as segue music. #whatcanbesaid

Scgarz @Wigleaf 6h
It seems that you never get sick of yourself. That’s okay. I’ll get sick of you for you.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 6h
Fuck everybody. Do you mind if I say that?

Scgarz @Wigleaf 4h
Love the verb “defenestrate.” Would like to propose also: “dejambonate”: to kick somebody off of a ham.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 4h
Saw a guy sitting on the sidewalk playing a didgeridoo. Thought, Dude, you’re sitting on the sidewalk. You’re playing a didgeridoo.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 4h
RT @MyfanwyCollins I’m fairly certain that gum chewing is something you should do in private.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 3h
There used to be a place in NW Iowa called the Koffee Kup Kafe. Maybe they wondered why I never stopped in. Maybe they didn’t.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 3h
Spoiler alert: they get married.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 2h
Young @penguinrules wants to know what if he wrote “Ooo this shirt is awesome” on a shirt that @RemovingMts is taking to Goodwill.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 2h
@penguinrules I think it’s about that time.

Levin Garson @penguinrules 2h
@wigleaf what time?

Scgarz @Wigleaf 2h
@penguinrules bed time

Levin Garson @penguinrules 2h
@wigleaf NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! WAY!!

Scgarz @Wigleaf 49m
RT @sophierosenblum I just want to warn you that today on the internet there is a picture of a snake that grew a hand. #oy

Scgarz @Wigleaf 45m
Everything was going really great. Then we realized that there were no party rockers in the house. None at all.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 32m
R. Jarrell defined the novel as a “prose narrative of some length that has something wrong with it.” Just now, this strikes me as hopeful.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 27m
X-1 on the Wigleaf Jukebox: “I’m a Mindless Idiot,” The Meat Puppets: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buQeBhrYfrg

Scgarz @Wigleaf 20m
“This novel will forcibly open your mouth, dollop its spit on your tongue, and cry, YOUR MOTHER LOVED YOUR BROTHER MORE!” #funwithblurbs

Scgarz @Wigleaf 17m
RT @ofeliahunt Wonder if I can repair my facial asymmetries with duct tape.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 12m
If somebody made me give a one-word definition of the novel: pilgrimage.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 8m
Am tired. Wish I could take a bunch of people hostage and force them to sleep for me.

Scgarz @Wigleaf 54s
RT @salesses sometimes i think: i should be happier than that person, but i’m not. why is that?

Scgarz @Wigleaf 3s
@salesses you’re a writer



Scott Garson’s Comments

I like the blatant artifice of Twitter. You’ve got 140 characters, two lines. What do you say? Generally there’s no room for discursion, for prefacing or contextualizing, for relativism. There’s no time for a mock-up of what you might see as yourself. It’s more speech act and mood.

Table of Contents




FRiGG: A Magazine of Fiction and Poetry | The Twitter Issue | Issue 37 | Summer 2012