Life Is Time Consuming
So, when did nowadays begin then?
Im on a train.
Overheard: Nowadays people keep looking at me like Im a benefit scrounger - theyd change their mind if they knew my handbag cost four and a half fucking grand.
First day of summer. Insectarama.
Things you dont want to see drop from your shower puff after youve finished washing with it: a wood louse.
The creepiest looking guy Ive ever seen is sitting opposite me on train and smiling/smirking/staring at me. #shouldmovebuttoonervous He has one sour old face, like he bathes in bile and lumbers around being mean.
Sitting on train next to really stinky drunk guy - Im squished in w/no escape. I may vomit. Send tactics ASAP.
A man on the train is reading a pamphlet on sex addiction. A woman is talking to herself. A man is shouting you fucking twat #Brighton
Theres a man on the train with a moth trapped in his ear. Hes tortured by the sound of its desperate flap. Were a self-important batch of humans, arent we, he says.
He wears what surely can only be an unhat. Or a blank space. He is a fiend. He asks the woman behind me if shes a time traveller.
Glad to get out of #Brighton - the ratio of scary people to unscary people is rather high #Bankholidaynutbars
Ive got to a bit where Im genuinely wondering what I did next, she says. Im a little scared.
She hates everything.
You may soil yourself in a minute, or is that what the stink is?
Dont be a twunt.
Im glad I made you pfff. So there.
I dont know how to make them better, but I dont want to kill them. He begins to give a self-important monologue on his every move. Fictionalizing his existence.
Oh, youre so great, she says.
No, you are.
Oh, but youre so funny.
So are you.
Were so funny.
Arent we witty!
Yes, we are.
Not like them.
They are disappointing people. Please stop being so fucking disappointing. They strike me as odd - cold. Fuck that shit. Fuck. That. Shit. I have NO voice at all now, just a whisper. Poor me. The train has crunched to a standstill. Awkward folk are everywhere. Outside the window windy rain gives way to melancholic snow. Is it all over yet?
Melancholy is a beautiful word, not such a lovely feeling. Living is time consuming. I hate myself all the time but right now I hate myself more than usual. I wish to publicly shame myself. I want to stop being so fucking disappointing. Why dont you like me? What did I do wrong?
I wish everything could be as clear as Sharpies.
Im so sorry for everything. Im so sorry. I feel like the least. What is the taste of death? It has that nasty damp, wool smell. Its cold plastic. Not death! Im singing loud enough to drown it out. I am alive. I dont know how to make it better. Is it all over yet?
Teds school has one of those old style grumpy receptionists. She always asks, What time is your meeting? then snaps, Youre early.
Today I arrived at 9:48 for a 9:50 meeting & she still said it.
My son told me hes glad his best friend is his best friend because he has a fist the size of a swede. #awesome
Dylan woke up this morning & said, I feel like I might be sick, approx 1 second before hurling. Hes managed sips of water & a bagel.
I said, Ill run you a nice bath later.
Why would you do that? Oh my god, youve never done that before. Why now?
Yeah, he heard Ill run you an ice bath later. True story. *Ka boom tish*
Dylan, I cant eat the crusts. Si, They arent crusts, they are sides. Without sides your fruit loaf would have the same mass as the universe.
Son just woke up, got out of bed. Whats up? Oh, nothing. Its just all label-y. Erm, rightio.
If my sons piece of shit pc laptop doesnt finish its bootscan soon I will smash it to pieces. I thank Apple for my shiny Mac products.
Bunting is rhyming slang. I fucking hate bunting.
Not the bunting per se, more the fake nostalgia royal celebratory british bollocks symbolism of it.
old man on bbc news blathering on about Cameron being more popular amongst women in recent poll - says cos women like a strong man #GRR
Sometimes writers can be really fucking sycophantic. Not surprising really. I mean, humanity is often twuntish.
However, there are some people you kinda think are actually your friends. But only your friends are your friends. These writer friends are fair-weather what can you do for me people.
Twice now the same person has requested to follow me and then unfollowed once I have followed back. Did she forget she dislikes me?
If I call you meta are you just all about yourself? Can you say that Tao Lin himself is meta or just his writing?
The ignored because youre not worthy thing? PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF AND FILLS ME WITH RAGE!
Genuinely just read a Going for a walk tweet as Going for a wank & thought tweeter rather surprisingly bold.
I said the word schlep to a neighbour tother day. She made me repeat it twice, shook her head & said Sorry, what?
Went to a pub tonight that hung chamber pots from its ceiling.
Dreamt I was saying Sometimes I dream about books and stationery and its lovely. Did not dream about books and stationery.
Theres a lot of weather out there. Gulp.
Quick - cardigan or no cardigan?
Quick - umbrella or no umbrella?
Quick - give up writing or dont give up writing?
Quick? Or slow?
I think Im gonna be reckless: NO cardi, NO umbrella, No giving up.
There were several unhappy women in the bookshop today. Sad and unsure of themselves. Keen to confide their insecurities.
An old woman in a red mini skirt and lacy tights has just tottered past #Brighton
Girls marching down to town wearing tiny shorts & bra tops, singing willy willy willy. Theyre just kids & I fear for them #Brighton
Sobbing girls, smashed glasses, leering men, and an old hippy screaming that hes just broken thru the 3rd wall!
Is it all over yet?