Howl. Yell. Scream. Or Whimper.
Maurice Oliver

And as if that weren’t extravagant enough, her father presents me with
a single-spaced neatly typed list that describes everything in the dowry:

- An earthquake that can bark like a real dog.
- A pristine golf course disguised as a lame-duck President.
- Sleep that is guaranteed never to wake up with a hangover.
- A room with a view that has already had its vasectomy.
- Payments for my sins placed in a secure offshore account.
- All of China dipping its bucket into my wishing well.
- A legal motion to disbar all religious intolerance.
- An ayatollah able to recite the entire pledge of allegiance.
- The Bible belt singing a hymn with Appalachia on piano.
- A sunset notorious for reading mystery novels long past midnight.
- A phone that dies in my place for a one-time minimal fee.